I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
