I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
