Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
