I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Boobs speak an international language.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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