So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
