is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
