This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
