Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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