I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
