I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
