TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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