It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
