whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
