Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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