i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
