apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
