just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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