So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
