I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
