I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
