you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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