tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
