Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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