turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
