Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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