Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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