Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
