I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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