i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
