I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
