He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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