Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
