it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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