My first STD was from a foam party
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
