I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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