You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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