You're so nebulous sometimes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
