one might say we're banned from that church
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
