Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
