3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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