She said her name was "party"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
