I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
