Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
