just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
