So drunk its hurt
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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