so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
