I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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