I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
