my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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