Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
