i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
