so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
