I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
