I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
