What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
