he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
