i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
