He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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