**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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