Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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